Wednesday, December 30, 2009
the day happens with me or without me
Transcends into darkness
Glimpses of hard truths
back into white
safety, familiarity, happy spaces
falls back into that dark space
reality, fears, indifference, obscurity
love sucks me back into light
but alas love also pulls me back into dark
vulnerability, jealousy, fears, insecurity
wondrous lighted love where all is possible, all is beautiful
hovers between, suspended by a thread, out of control
heart show me, lead me to the right path
give me more time
Monday, December 21, 2009
Did you ever want to go to some tropical paradise for Christmas! Not so much to celebrate Christmas in a warm climate, but to escape the norm.
That thought has been on my mind ever since my cyber cypher suggested that is what she wanted for Christmas. I would love doing that, and just to see the look on my families faces when I tell them "I'm going to Hawaii for Christmas" would be priceless! I think we should plan on that for next Christmas, because alas it would be pretty impossible this year! That would make the New Year and the tedious months to follow go by faster with the anticipation of a fabulous vacation in Hawaii for Christmas could be an awesome reality! Of course, we may get lost there and never come back, which come to think of it is even more alluring. What the hell, I've always wanted to become a surf bum anyways and what better place to do that? Maybe Kauai instead? yeah less crowded and more people like us :)It would be nice to be a local and not laughed at as a tourista visiting.
It's funny, my dad was born on Oahu and I've only been there once. He was there when they bombed Pearl harbor. He joined the Army and got sent to another island in the pacific. Talk about dumb luck! My father bounced around in the military for a number of years before moving to California to pursue a career in Art. Oahu from my experience is the biggest hodgepodge of cultural diversities. A lot of prejudice there, and downright hatred, but Kauai is beautiful and has a whole different feel to it. My uncle was a fighter pilot in WW2 and the Korean wars. He has written books about his wartime experiences and is quite a character. He lives on maui now. I know so little about the islands thanks to my dad hating them so, that we never visited there.
My father is one of those, like his father before him, unapproachable types. Growing up I mostly heard things like "Don't do as I do, do as I tell you or I may not always be right, but I'm never wrong." Other gems were when I had to help him work with tools. I would be told to hand him a wrench or something, not knowing which one, of course, and being called a dummy or idiot for not being able to read his fucking mind! As far as my grandfather goes, I don't think he spoke more than two sentences to me his whole life. I knew he was religious, because he would threaten constantly to leave all his money to the Catholic church.
I learned about love from my mother and from trial and error. Both my parents came from the no communication generation.
My mother was a loving, giving woman with a huge heart. She was outgoing friendly to everyone. She grew up in Monroe, Michigan. She spent her early adulthood in Detroit. She worked on the atom smashers during WW2in Oak Ridge, Tennessee. I think that all the radiation exposure, and who knows what may have contributed to her Alzheimer's and other conditions. She never developed cancer though. She met my father in California where he was a poor art student and they worked at a dinner together. My dad got fired and my mom quit, Lol. They got married soon after. I have two older sisters and a younger brother. I spent most of my life in southern California. When i did finally decide to leave and make a new life for myself, something unexpected happened.
I always thought I would remain close to my family. Little did I know that they would consider me the trader who moved away. It has been quite a realization year after year to know that if I want to be a part of them, I have to make the sacrifice to go to them. I did that last year so I won't be going back sometime soon. I will be spending Christmas in lovely Sedona, Az with the other crazy family. Next year Kauai!! Merry Christmas family!
Happy Holidays everyone!
Sunday, December 13, 2009
I woke up this morning feeling pretty down and dismal. I was in my usual re-hashing all the same thoughts about where my life is going, not going. I turned on the TV and started watching "Angel Eyes" with Jennifer Lopez. I've seen it before, so I put on some music and turned the sound off on the TV. I do this a lot. I'd have to say that Jennifer Lopez is an amazing actress with the sound off, at least in this movie she is. She really has got the conveying with her eye's thing down.
I have been drawn to Joni Mitchell lately as I have most of my life. I pulled up "Hejira", a collection of nine tunes that probably reveal the most about her poetry and life than any other work she has done. To me, this does and I'm sure others have different opinions. For me, this collection of poetry speaks directly to me. It actually does more than that, it gets inside of me. I would go further and state that I actually have mystic experiences while listening to her. I should say hearing her, not listening. we can listen to music, but it is not the same as hearing it. Through hearing and getting inside the musics essence is where the true power of music lies. For me, as it started today, it forms a slight tingle in my head, then grows in intensity circling over my whole body in waves of healing energy. It doesn't happen too often, but when it comes it is one of the most inspiring feelings I've ever felt. I guess you could say that Joni is like a guardian angelic to me :)
This process started for me when I was a teenager. The first time i felt it I was scared at first, then it felt like a hand over my heart holding me and then the wave of pulsing tingling and healing took place. It is awesome!
When I studied light meditation in Seattle with an energy healer, a shaman I learned to open up other colors of light energy and how to direct them through my body and others. They can also be used to protect yourself and heal specific areas that need it.
They can even be directed at inanimate objects for protection, such as your car. White light works best for this. How this comes to me through playing Joni, I don't know. I just accept it and consider it a blessing when it happens. My cyber cypher is telling me all the time, that this is just wires and pictures coming through a machine. I have to smile to myself, as I know she knows as I do that the wires and machine are only the messenger. The message is real. Energy follows thought and that is what is conveyed. As Empaths, it is hard to stay grounded. There is so many forces, people who need to suck our energy and we are bound to give it in sacrifice. It is our calling even amongst ourselves.
We feel things and know things that others may not see or feel. That doesn't mean that they can't, for I believe we all have the capability to do that, just some have closed the door to it for whatever reason.
It can be a blessing and a curse.
Today it is a blessing!
Thank you Joni! Thank you God!
Friday, December 11, 2009
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
I thought about it and realized how time is used in music. so here goes:
No Time left for you, on my way to better things. How does anybody really know what Time it is. Time is on your side, yes it is. Stepping in a Timezone. It's the Time of the season.Time to kill. It's Time like these. well, you get the idea. It goes on and on. So much emphasis placed on a man-made thing. We all want so much more of it, that isn't it really the biggest addiction we succumb to? What did they do in the days before man started watching the stars? Now there's a big waste of the stuff.Time and space. No Time to spend hours with you, I've got all these other commitments of my Time. Is it not really just about re-arranging things so that you can do what you want for leisure? We Time our work! You were seven minutes late, so we are docking your pay. Where did that expression come from? what is docking anyway. All stemmed out of a fee charged for a boat docking along shore. Just like rent! Can you imagine a world without time? what would we call it when we pass it, cheat it, use it, harness it, loose it, need more of it, borrow it, beg for it, capture it, sleep in it? Take Time off! Use it or loose it! When you run out of it, your dead but not really, you just inherit it eternally! hmmmm how nice full circle! :) Peace out!
Sunday, November 29, 2009
I wish I could thank you all personally but there are vastly too many. You all are AWESOME!!
Saturday, November 28, 2009
I do not wish to live like this anymore. I do not want to become my father and mother. I want to learn from my mistakes and move on in a positive direction. I want to believe and know in my heart that I deserve happiness and living in the positive. Listen to your heart, Jeff. It has always known the true meaning of love and been there to guide you, if you would just let it!
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Isn't it great to get a day or two off but most companies these days are not about to loose any revenue over it. The old days of actually celebrating a holiday and not worrying in the true spirit, of how much it was going to cost them. Those days are long gone my friends. Now it is more like sure we have to give you a paid day off, but you are going to make up for it by doing two days work in one when you get back!
At least, that is how it is in the medical field and I suspect it is like that everywhere. Retail has got to be the worst though. I pity anyone working in retail during the holidays. So as I drink myself into a stupor tomorrow, I'll be hoping that you all will too and we all can be thankful for having a job and living in this great country whichever one you got stuck calling home. I'm sure whatever country you live in is the best no matter what anyone tells you.
We'll be drinking Margaritas by the seaside, mamasita!
Ok so it's only a creek but I do love that line from Thelma and Louise.
What could be better than that except maybe umm.. you know what with those two by the seaside as they were soooo hot in those days. Susan Serrandan and Gena Davis were both extremely sexy in their youth. They both still have a lot of sexual appeal!
ok I'm going off a sidetrack here, but come to think of it, it is not one I would mind at all going off on. The average male mind thinks about sex every five minutes, they say but I think about it probably every few seconds :)
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Is everyone ready for Thanksgiving?
Now I know some folks love the holidays! The chance to be around family, friends, acts of merriment. I go just for the food! I know that sounds terrible doesn't it? The fact remains, that in my family, I will be offended at some point over some political argument or crack. I'm always out numbered, so they feel free to make whatever joke or comment about how my side is screwed up! They even have their kids join in with the joke fest. Does this happen in every one's household? I'm sure I'm not alone in hating being in the position of being a minority and apparently an idiot for having my beliefs. It always leaves me with a warm and fuzzy feeling knowing that in another month I get to come back again to do it all over again. Can't wait! On the other side of the family, I get this email from my sister written by her daughter, my niece, saying that she wanted to have the Thanksgiving dinner at her house and she wanted all of the family "and I mean all of the family" there. The email goes on to mention everyone in the family by name except me. I email my sister back and say; "I guess she really only wanted the "real" family to come because, apparently I'm not a part of. At this point, some of you may be thinking that this man is too sensitive and should just go with the flow? I probably would save myself a lot of anguish if i could, but for reasons beyond my control, I always get real emotional at this time of year. Do some of you have this happen, and if so how do you cope with it?
If I'm lucky, I can get through the day of watching football, listening to political shit, the family gossip, eating so many snacks that I have no appetite for the big turkey dinner, not to mention numerous amounts of drinks. The more I can drink, the easier to cope. Then when it is finally time to sit down and devour the feast, they have this tradition of going around the table and asking each person to state what they are thankful for this year! PLEASE, please, please spare me!! Now we have to listen to about 20-25 people rant on about being thankful for their spouses, children, health you all know the drill. Does anyone remember what the next person was thankful for the previous year? I think not. I know I don't nor do I really care because it all hype anyways. This also gives them an excuse to once again mention their political gratitude for what a great country we live in blah blah blah! One year we said we were not going to do anything political and so who starts in, but the youngest daughter! My sister smacked her in the back of the head which triggered another heated exchange from her dad about how dare she put her hands on his daughter! Got to love it!
Mother, Mary and Joseph please get me through this week!
Please comment to me on how normal people celebrate thanksgiving or how yours is much worse than mine. Misery loves company!
Thursday, November 19, 2009
It has been a rough week. My co-worker was let go on Monday and I have been running a one-man show. I knew it would be rough when they started piling on more patients. The first three days I had help from others and everything seemed to be ok. Now toward the end of the week and still way behind, the enthusiasm to help has somewhat faded. I'm getting responses like, "i have a meeting to go to and will help when it's over then nothing. Or "i have to do this then I will be back and they don't come back. It is so typical in the workplace, that people have good intentions but when it comes down to it, they loose interest. This is not the type of job that you can let run behind before it starts running away out of control. I may have to just let that happen until they get the point. Human Resources crawls at turtle speed to get positions posted and really could care less how long it takes. Hiring a temp is not a good idea because the time it takes to train them is so time consuming that I may as well do it myself. Life is grand for me right now. I have put in long ass hours and feel like a permanent fixture there. Isn't it great to be screwed? Screwed is where I want to be! ha ha who cares! See you all when tide recedes! Peace out!
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Today would have been my mother's birthday! She left us after suffering from Alzheimer's for the last part of her life. I was playing the song "mother" by Tori Amos to a dear friend when I realized what today was. My friends gift to me to keep me from being sad was to share her experience with helping her mother in assisted suicide. I cannot even fathom how something like that would affect me. I believe that when someone you love is suffering so much and there is nothing else that can be done to help them, that it is OK to help them cross over. The thought of actually having to assist with that is something I'm sure none of us can imagine how that feels. I know at some point I may be faced with this same decision. How do you weigh or balance your feelings on such a heavy burden? The legal ramifications alone, would be enough to scare me but as in her situation, the love for that person and helping them to end their suffering would out weigh the consequences. The guilt associated with the assist must be overwhelming though and I imagine would take a long time to heal from. whether one believes or not in suicide, there are some situations that make it impossible to just allow nature or God take care of. I know one day I will be faced with the same decision as we have already discussed at length this option when the time comes. Will I have the courage and will to carry this out? I hope I will, but I dread the thought of having to be in this position. If it was me who had to ask someone to help me die, I would hope they would help me leave the suffering behind and I know I would have to be at the brink of tolerance to give up hope like that. None of us really know what we would do, except my friend, but after reading extensively about starvation and what the body and soul goes through during that, there comes a point of no return when it must be best to resolve yourself to allow to move on to the next plane. Helping someone cross over can be a beautiful gift and everlasting at that. Feel free to post comments pro and con for I know there are many right and wrong answers on the subject. Judge not lest ye be judged comes to mind.
Friday, October 30, 2009
Awesome day! To be able to sit and appreciate the wonders around us and not be wrapped up in the hustle of the work-day madness is truly a blessing. So much of the week's time is wasted by being worried about being late, fighting the traffic, meeting your deadlines, etc. that the real wonders of the day pass us up. Of course it doesn't hurt to be sitting 50 yards away from the ocean and watching the surfers catch the morning waves, wishing I could be out there. Alas, my surfing days are over, but not forgotten. The cars cruise by with necks tweaked toward the water and not paying attention to where they are going, with bicyclists and joggers right next to them. It all seems to work out somehow, without mishap. The fisherman dominate the pier on both sides, like slot players at Vegas, never seeming to catch anything, at least not as I walk by. It's So. Calif. and there really is a different lifestyle here, unlike the desert I dwell in. I chose to leave this place many moons ago, and each visit makes me wonder why, but if here long enough, the reasons slowly seep back into this cobwebbed mind. With all the wonderful things it has to offer, the price comes high both literally and emotionally. Judging by the hoards of people that keep moving here though, I surely must be mistaken. There is something different about being born in a place as opposed to migrating there. When you spend most of your life in a single location, you become a part of it, the good with all the horrors associated with that. When you leave that place, over time, the horrors fade and your left with mostly the good thoughts about it. Why move back, just to have the goodness replaced once again by the horrors? It makes sense to me to keep the visits short and enjoyable. So it's two more days of bliss and then back to the desert I call home. Who knows, maybe the time away will make the dreaded commute back to work more palatable.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Watched the news today! What a mistake! I cannot stomach the garbage the media puts out there anymore! Politics, entertainment, current events, all lies! What can you believe anymore. It's all about hype and popularity. The problems that exist in this country today can all be traced back to one reason: Greed. Greed on the part of business, politicians, private sector, government. I think everything that is wrong with us is born out of greed. It is not the Democrats, Republicans, the military, our president, our congressional so-called leaders. They all out of greed have placed us down the path of self-destruction. The government selling secret technology to any country who will pay. The politicians taking from all the tax payers and getting perks from Special Interests groups. Corporations who don't give a damn about this country except how much green they can line their pockets with.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
When I was a kid, I use to hang out with some of them. It was fun, exciting, and even got the opportunity to be in the Hollywood Christmas Parade with one actress. They used to practice their roping skills and other moves on me and my sisters. We were living in Laurel Canyon then, so had the best of worlds around us. Which brings me back to the point. How did I end up in Phoenix??? :(
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
They do have some cool unusual finds on there and are adding more all the time. Oh and you can post comments about the music or dedicate songs before you blip. It is very much linked to twitter. I have not been able to get the auto blip feature to work on my facebook. It says it's enable but does not post there? Oh well! Why we need this work censorship on our internet is beyond me but I'm sure people take advantage if it's not there. You know the ones I'm talking about, like the big shot CEO going on porno sites and doing private sessions! Oh wait they probably can do that anyways, they don't have websence. When did the internet become such an evil conglomerate that big brother government and law agencies have to watch us all in the name of protection and homeland security. One more terrorist is just a clic away after all!
Land of the free? as long as we can define your freedom for you, sure you can be free.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Friday, August 21, 2009
Thursday, August 13, 2009
If you know this band then go back and re-visit, and if not, check them out!
A Classic Hit song most will know, by a 70's Kick-Ass band
Not as well known but shows the essence of how great a band they were! Especially the guitar work.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
They seem to think that they don't need public support. Maybe they know something we don't. Did they forget how they lost the last election and numerous members of house and congress?
Apparently they either don't care or have decided to by-pass the American majority, at least in what the country wants as a whole. The irony is that they seem to have enough Dem's bucking the majority also for whatever reason (I suspect their own agenda or fruitless fears of not getting re-elected). What should have been a golden opportunity to accomplish all the things that were denied for over eight years has now become a futile plan filled with compromise and broken promises. Not exactly how the people who wanted real change envisioned things would turn out.
Monday, June 29, 2009
Sunday, June 28, 2009
It is a great story that is true and if one ever has read Moby Dick, this is the real story about what happened on that ship.
Friday, June 19, 2009
I had no idea that this whole thing was really all about pretty pictures and somewhat of a popularity contest.
. I live with a family of diverse backgrounds and political views for which I usually try to stay clear of in defense for my sanity. I have listened to ridiculious reasons for what Republicans think is important in our country. I have watched Democrats buckle under to public opinion for no apparant reason. I have given independants the benefit of the doubt, knowing that their opinion really doesn't count because they have little representatives in power. I have read many books giving ideas of coruption and fear tactics to sway someone their way, but I think we are all missing the real meaning of life here. In the final outcome, it really has little to do with spirituality which is really what is important in life. When we are lying on our death beds, I do not think the Almighty is going to care what Party affiliation you belonged to, let alone how much money you are worth. I cannot comprehend how Muslims equate war with religion and why generation after generation are brain washed to believe this.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
We do not even have access to what is going on let alone Obama
has already taken a wait and see stance. Is it because Twitter has a by-pass
way of getting information across the Internet? If so, that is a pretty pathetic excuse for
thinking we have anyway of influiencing the outcome. I think it is horrible what is happening there,
but a lot of folks in the U.S. seem to think this could happen here next election? I don't buy it but
I suppose anything is possible. They would certainly do a better job of fixing the election, than the Iranians did. After all we have more experience at it. All and all I still think we are doing the right thing by not getting involved for now. I just do not understand at all why they claim they want democracy and fair elections and then proceed to pull this stunt!
Monday, June 8, 2009
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Thursday, May 14, 2009
It is hard not to want to write about it all the time,
however I realize that it can bore most people who do not care or understand
what artists or bands have to say in their music. They just like the beat or rhythm to the song.
When one tries to learn how to read music or write songs, it quickly becomes apparent how hard it is. I own two ipods mostly full of albums because I still believe in the album concept instead of just buying songs or partial albums. Sure, some of the content songs on albums tend to be of lesser quality, but one can miss the whole intent of what the artists are sometimes trying to achieve. The idea of concept albums can be easily detected by some artists and very obscure in others. Someone interviewed Ian Anderson of Jethro Tull once and asked him if Aqualung was a great concept album, and he replied no that it was just a collection of songs. Thick as a Brick was surely the concept album of all time to end concept albums, he said. When you listen to Aqualung though, it really seems like a concept album although exploring Religion and other parts of life. I think lyrically it is probably one of their best productions with almost all of the songs being thought provoking. Thick as a brick is also a masterpiece in its own right, but seems to carry a bit too much of repetitious sounds and themes. The ability to weave back and forth from acoustic complicated guitar work into heavy metal sound has never been mastered any better than what Jethro Tull accomplished...
Monday, May 11, 2009
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
That's how I feel when I watch the news on TV and the stock market channels.
It's as if they are speaking to somebody who doesn't really exist! I find it hard to believe
that there are people out there who are that tainted and greedy. I suppose they exist, but for
what purpose, other than to serve their own ideals why should we listen to them?
Maybe this is going to sound reactionary but I sometimes think we need to go back to getting our information from the newspapers or word of mouth. I know newspapers are on the outs and are not a reliable source of news either and word of mouth can always be twisted by the interpreter.
When a system becomes too corrupt and by system I mean our news media, our government, our so-called protectors who have lost all sense of why they were put in power in the first place.
What happened to "for the people, by the people, etc." When did that get replaced with for the politicians, by the "Media" for the good of themselves or the good of the almighty "Ratings"??
Think about it! Where will we end up on this train to greed with the switch keeper sleeping and another train on the wrong track heading for us? There was a lot of truth in that old "dead" song
about Casey Jones!
Saturday, May 2, 2009
I wonder is there any real news on television anymore?
I rely on the Internet to get the real stories and to see news
that never shows up on TV! Everything on the media channels is
so slanted now and the reporters are more concerned with being the
first to get the story out there that they could care less if it represents the
truth. The whole idea is a popularity contest to see who can jump on the story
of the day! It really has become a circus act. The market channels are just as bad
or worse. It seems that no matter what Obama tries to do to rein in Wall street, these
analysts are never happy. The only person giving the president a fair shake on Wall street
is Jim Cramer and I respect his opinion and mostly only listen to what his take is on the
happenings on Wall street. Even the Internet is full of falsehoods, as I've found on The Washington Post and others. They also get caught up in the feeding frenzy! I suppose if one
wants the truth you have to go out and find it. Wasn't that a popular slogan on X-files, "The
truth is out there?" Who pays these media people to spread such vicious lies anyway?
Is it the political parties, the powerful rich, the Right minority? If that is true, then they are the
minority and should be ousted from power! Then again, someone once said: "The majority is always wrong." I don't know, I'm going to eat some buttermilk waffles and real maple syrup and ponder the truth!
Friday, May 1, 2009
Sunday, April 26, 2009
It is so hard to get people together on any subject these days, how can we try to agree as a world population to do anything significant. But alas, if we do not even consider trying, what will be left behind for future generations? Sure the earth will probably survive in one form or another long after we are gone, but how will our legacy as humans be left? Will we be the remembered as the species that almost made it or will all trace of our existence be gone forever?
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Spring is coming and for those who live in a desert, this is the most appreciated time of the year.
I took an urban hike with my Amber. She is such an inspiration, a lover of life that teaches me constantly how to love unconditionally. It is a gorgeous day and the four mile trek up the mountain does not seem hard but challenging. She literally pulls me up the mountain! Sometimes I think she should have been a sled dog although being the wrong breed and her coat too scamp for harsh weather. The rugged terrain and lava rock serves to harvest such beauty in life to sustain hardy plant life and small animals. I was kicking myself as I reached the summit I did not have my camera ready to witness the beauty of a hawk taking off from the ledge. I caught a couple of shots of him too far already in the air. It was just a majestic day, even with all of the urban housing below, somehow there is peace and serenity up here. I pause to meditate and take in all the wonders life presents all of us if we can just make time to witness it.