Thursday, April 1, 2010

TRUST

I read something today about trust in relationships that made me stop and think. I will be one to admit that I have had trust issues in relationships at one point or another. Being a victim of mistrust and abuse, it is not hard to see why I have issues but I have never explored the possibility that it might not be other people's actions that can set off the mistrust, that it might, in fact, be something within me that causes it to surface. So I would like to explore that idea a little. The article talked about how some men will try to read their significant other's diary, hack their emails and that kind of thing. While I have never tried to read any woman's diary nor have I ever hacked their emails, the reason that the article said they do this kind of hit me. It said that a man who feels the need to keep tabs or check-up on his significant other, may have secrets they themselves might want to hide. While not a new concept, not one I would tend to contemplate. I have always chalk it up to insecurities or feelings of not having control. The reality should be that we are not meant to have control of another and the fact that we are in a relationship should prove that there in nothing to be insecure about. So much of what we think goes on in an online relationship is conjecture. We have to make inferences about what we think is going on because we cannot witness or be savvy to the whole picture.
For instance, if you were to go to a party with your significant other and some guy comes on to her in an inappropriate way and you are there to see it, well then you can confront him and her about the nature of what happened. But in a online situation, you basically have nothing to go by unless there was a wide-range of witnesses or something like that. So I believe that trust has to be a major factor on both sides. Invading someones space to satisfy your own curiosity leads nowhere but to more mistrust. It slowly sinks in! To confront someone about something you have little or no idea what it is about just puts them on the defensive and accomplishes very little other than hurt feelings. Of course on the other end of the spectrum there are those who will take advantage of the fact that there is no accountability online and who feel anything goes. Well for those, I choose not to associate myself with those types online or in real life. I also try not to be judgemental about what people do either, it is after all fairly harmless as long as they are not hurting someone. I do not however tolerate abusive, disruptive or threatening behavior from anyone not do I allow it to be inflicted on anyone I like.
I have been threatened online, and I have been called on my actions and I can tell you it is not pleasant. In certain situations you cannot even defend yourself because the person you are trying to deal with has already placed you in their category of what they perceive you to represent to them. When conversation becomes so one-sided and takes on the persona of just being about them, there is nothing you can do but remain silent.
I hope that I can learn from the mistakes I've made and choose to become a better friend, lover, and observer.

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2 comments:

  1. Gid,Hope you had a great weekend and Easter! Finally,some space for me to "talk" to you. This blog spoke to me on more than one level. First,trust issues. Have similar feelings about trust and have been wounded so am a wee bit sensitive about that. I may have mentioned that in the past, which is why I am leery of who I let into even twitter, email, etc. I also, find myself, often with blip, getting a bit jealous of certain dj's interactions with others...again,misreading what is reality as well as being none of my business.(True confessions) I know that I can and do get very flirty at times...it is usually with those that KNOW there are boundaries, that know my status and often we talk behind the scenes so if any misunderstanding there are opportunities for clarification. But I realize that others may NOT know that it is just that, flirting and may feel left out or hurt. I too have been the victim of having been cut off by a dj/email friend who TOTALLY misunderstood something and hung up on me....much to my shock...without a chance to clear it up and after much wrestling with the heartache of not being able to fix it or at least make understood...finally did just what you said and became silent. Life is too short for such behaviour. We should be able to bring joy and happiness to each other through blip, blogs, twitter, fb and NOT have some of the drama occur that does....but then again.. it is a new frontier~this internet interaction thing and therefore growing pains do occur. I always appreciate you~though not always totally agree~both here, on twitter and on blip. Have a great day...Hope this makes SOME sense. I had so many wonderful thoughts the other day but interrupted so didn't get to write till now. :-)

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  2. Hi J,
    I hope you had a great Easter weekend too! I totally agree with you that we sometimes can cross lines we are unaware we are crossing. Jealously is one of the deadly, and we have to remember to be able to swallow our pride when dealing with hurt feelings. Flirting is a two way street, and I admit I sometimes do not have clear boundaries where to draw the line sometimes. I appreciate your taking the time for one, and being honest about this with me. You mentioned you don't always agree with me on the various social medias. I wish you would include those thoughts too when you come across those differences. I welcome both positive and negative feedback and probably need to see those. Thanks for your continued friendship.
    Gid...

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